Dr. Nathan Malcolm Lawrence Keir Sr. (Japanese: ネーサン・マルコーム・ロレンス・キアー1世博士 Nathan Malcolm Lawrence Keir Issei-Hakase, also Nathan Malcolm Lawrence Keir Sr., PhD): The original husband of Krista Keir (クリスタ・キアー). He is the only autistic member of the Keir-Keipper trio, so he wants to destroy all of Westerville to damnate its residents, which of course is a very rude action.
- Both of the Keirs were born on December 19, 1979, living in separate places near each other. Krista graduated from the South High School while Nathan graduated from the North. Both of whom married at the Maple Grove United Methodist Church on December 25, 1998, after their nineteenth birthday. They had a son two years later. He named him Jr.
- Dr. Keir is the only member with facial hair. In fact, he borrowed that trait from one of his paternal ancestors. He got his surname from his mother.
- Dr. Keir is very possessive. His instincts have kept his trio of spouses a secret kept away from criminals. This is the way he wanted life to work, similar to the philosophy of Cameron Myers, the father of Timothy Robert Carrington.
- Dr. Keir is also very mysterious, and also the only member to be that way. He is also very rude, because he wants to destroy Westerville.
- Dr. Keir is also very arrogant, because most of his vocabulary is composed of offensive words, as well as cuss words. He also believes the world to be corrupt, just like Lord Ilplazzo of the organization ACROSS from Excel-Saga.
- He is also known as Dr. Kookweuwolvstadi Jr. (Japanese: コークェウウォルンスタディ2世博士), after his father. The V in the name sounds like a nasal schwa (ə̃), and is a compound of the Shawnee word kookwe, meaning "strange," and the Cherokee word uwolvstadi, for "genius." This makes him of a Native American descent.
- John is slightly younger than the Keirs, and doesn't sound as old, either. Hint: he doesn't sound like a small lad. Those who say that he does are rude.
"Tim thinks that John has a husband-in-law named Nathan, which he claims to be my original husband." -Krista Keir-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Nate Sr.: This world is corrupt! It has been corrupt, and it'll remain corrupt for very long aeons!
John: No, it's you who's corrupt, Nate. You have been calling the world that!
Nate Sr.: JOHN KEIPPER, I AM NOT CORRUPT!!!!!!!!! I HAVE NOT, AM NOT, NOR WILL I EVER BE CORRUPT!!!!!!! PERIOD!!!!!!
Kris: Stop fighting, you guys! (to Nate): I know you believe the world to be corrupt, but you have to stop saying that! It is very rude!
Nate Sr.: Do I have to vomit on John?!
Kris: Do I have to slap you in the face?!
Nate Sr.: No.
Kris: Then stop talking about John in a hurtful way!
Nate Sr.: Krista, do I have to yank John's hair?!
Kris: No! Don't do that!
Nate Sr.: And do I have to punch John in the face?!
Kris: NO!
Nate Sr.: Because...
Kris: Those actions are disrespectful! You might hurt him!
Nate Sr. (to John): She keeps caterwauling the word no to everything I want to do!
John: That's because you are saying mean things about me.
Nate Sr.: I want Kris to stop caterwauling.
John: I know you want her to stop yelling no to everything you want to do, but you need to stop saying mean things to people. That is unacceptable!
Kris, can you help him out on that discussion?
Kris: I can. Nate, I want you to stop saying mean things! That is unacceptable!
Nate Sr.: But Krista...
Kris: There is no "But Krista." You need to stop saying things like that! That is inappropriate!
Nate Sr.: Kris, the house is shaking because of our shouting.
Kris: I know that, but we need to stop shouting! It might distract John!
Nate Sr.: Why?
Kris: John doesn't like you; that's why.
Nate Sr.: If I go to the Dublin Scioto High School and call Bob a salthead, then...
Kris: I am going to be very mad at you! If you call Bob a salthead, I'm going to be really mad!
Nate Sr.: And if I call Lance an oilhead...
Kris: I'm going to be really mad, too! Now stop bringing up those topics!
Nate Sr.: NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! KRIS!!!!!!! LOOK WHAT YOU DID TO ME!!!!!!!!!! YOU MADE ME REALLY UPSET!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kris: I know. This is why you need to stop saying mean words, especially out in public! One of those days, you might upset people!
(Kris and Nate Sr. start a heated argument)
Nate Sr.: STACIE SMITH IS A FUCKING CUNT!!!!!!!!
Kris: NO, SHE IS NOT!!!!!!
Nate Sr.: CATHERINE RODEHEFFER IS A FUCKING SLUTFACE!!!!!!
Kris: NO, SHE IS NOT!!!!!!!!
Nate Sr.: KELLY MECKLING IS A FUCKING DOLTHEAD!!!!!!!!
Kris: NO, SHE IS NOT!!!!!!!!!
Nate Sr.: ROBERT MCKEEMAN IS A FUCKING SHITFACE!!!!!!!!
Kris: NO, HE IS NOT!!!!!!!
Nate Sr.: JO-ANN BEUTHE IS A FUCKING CUNTHEAD!!!!!!!!!!
Kris: NO, SHE IS NOT!!!!!!!!!!
Nate Sr.: BRIAN LANGE IS A FUCKING OILHEAD!!!!!!!!!
Kris: NO, HE IS NOT!!!!!!!!!!
Nate Sr.: DAWN BARNETT IS A FUCKING CUNT!!!!!!!!!
Kris: NO, SHE IS NOT!!!!!!!!!
Nate Sr.: KATE ZIMMERMAN IS A FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT!!!!!!!
Kris: NO, SHE IS NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nate Sr.: SARAH ZINK IS A FUCKING SHIT FOUNTAIN!!!!!!!!!
Kris: NO, SHE IS NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nate Sr.: KERRI WARD IS A FUCKING ASSHEAD!!!!!!!!
Kris: NO, SHE IS NOT!!!!!!!!!
Nate Sr.: KATY GUIDER IS A FUCKING CUNT!!!!!!!!!!
Kris: NO, SHE IS NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nate Sr.: KRISTEN SUTHERLAND IS A FUCKING FOUNTAIN OF SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kris: NO, SHE IS NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nate Sr.: SUSAN BEY IS A FUCKING HAG!!!!!!!!!!!
Kris: NO, SHE IS NOT!!!!!!!!!
Nate Sr.: MARY GAUNT IS A FUCKING HAG!!!!!!!!!!!!
Kris: NO, SHE IS NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!
Nate Sr.: SARAH JEAN WON IS A FUCKING SLAG FOUNTAIN!!!!!!!!!!
Kris: NO, SHE IS NOT!!!!!!!!!
Nate Sr.: BRIAN LIDLE IS A FUCKING FAT-ASS!!!!!!!!!!
Kris: DON'T YOU DARE CALL HIM THAT!!!!!!!!
Nate Sr.: DR. DONIS TOLER IS A FUCKING NIGGER!!!!!!!!!!!
Kris: STOP CALLING HIM THAT!!!!!!!!! IN FACT, STOP USING THE N-WORD!!!!!!!!!!! IT'S MEAN!!!!!!!!!
Kris: YOU NEED TO APOLOGIZE TO THEM FOR SAYING THOSE MEAN THINGS!!!!!!!!
Nate Sr.: NO!!!!!!
Kris: YES!!!!!!!
Nate Sr.: I'M GOING TO KILL ALL THOSE PEOPLE AND MAKE YOU SUFFER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
(Kris stands in horror for the other staff of Dublin City Schools)
Kris: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
John: What's wrong, Kris?
Kris: Nate keeps saying mean things to the people I work with! That's why I was screaming!
John: Nate, I understand the fact that you want to bully Kris' colleagues, but you have to remember that you need to stop calling them mean names. That is very rude.
Bob, can you help him out?
Bob: I sure can, John.
Nate, I understand the fact that you want to bully us, but you have to remember that you need to stop calling us those names! That is very rude!
Also, you need to apologize to us! It hurts our feeling when you call us those mean names!
Kris: Bob's right. You really have got to apologize to my colleagues! It hurts my feelings when you make fun of them, so it is very rude to do so!
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That's correct! Saying the word nigger offends everyone, and doing so repetitively increases the amount of damage to the listener! The user might start a conversation that offends the emotions of the listener!